the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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