my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize