you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
