Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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