I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
