My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm getting married
To pizza
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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