I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize