Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
