Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize