so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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