you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
