Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
