I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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