Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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