i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
