Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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