I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
