I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He passed out mid-signature
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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