all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
