Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
