We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
