I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
