your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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