she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
