and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
