Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
