i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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