But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
