Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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