he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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