Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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