you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
