Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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