Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
