we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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