When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When are your genitals available?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
