this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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