How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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