I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
