I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
