I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
