singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
