She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize