I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
