So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
