yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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