I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She even gives head with a lisp.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
