I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
