I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
