Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize