dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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