she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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