I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
