I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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