i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
