I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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