take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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