So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
