You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
