Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
