TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
