So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
