Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
