Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize